Listening To Your Parents Even Now

Have you ever had that aggravation that you go over to your aging parents apartment or house to help with the housework and get some serious "care giving" done and the senior himself seems to be bent on stopping your progress? You no doubt came over with a list as long as your arm of things to do at the apartment to help your parent live a clean and healthier life by getting the place into shape.

You know that part of your job as caregiver is to take care of chores and do the things your aging parent cannot do any more or just doesn't do because of fatigue or general lack of attention to detail. So when your parent wants you to forget all that work and just sit and talk, what is aggravating to you may be very important to your parent, maybe even more important than the apartment getting cleaned up.

It's good for you to think about your role as caregiver because you really are not just called to be a maid, chauffeur and cook. Anybody could do those things. The reason you are perfect for the care giving role is you are close to the heart of your aging parent and you are the one that will understand when she talks about things she is thinking or feeling that day.

So don't downplay the value of just being a companion to your parent during your visits. The emotional and family support you provide to your parent is central to his self esteem and feeling of who he is in the world. He will be storing up dozens of little anecdotes and stories to share with you when you come over. So in order to let him get all of that sharing "out of his system," its important for you to be a good listener.

A good listener doesn't just let the other person talk and say "uh huh" every so often. If you are just tolerating your parent as she shares little things with you, that will become apparent and be worse than if you didn't talk to her at all. The best way to fit your fellowship and relationship time around work time is to start out each visit with some time together just to talk.

Perhaps you might make it a habit that every time to come over, you and your parent will sit down and just talk about a half hour over coffee, a snack or tea. That is when you can focus all of your attention on what mom or dad have to say. Listen with focus and attention so when something is funny, you laugh and you can ask questions and explore the concept or situation being discussed in some depth.

Then at an appropriate time, you can say, "Gee Mom, I would like to tidy up those dishes. Can you sit at the table and we can keep talking while I do that?" That is a nice easy transition to starting your work and keeping the lines of communication open. And you can continue to let your mom or dad “follow you around” as you do chores chattering away the whole time.

Don't censor the topics or insist that what you talk about are only the important things. You should know from talking to your kids that you have to be ready to talk about the trivial things in their lives to prime the pump of communication about the hard issues and ones that will take some mature understanding to deal with. So be patient and open with your aging mom and dad and once they know you have good listening ears, they will open up about important things going on in their lives. And that is when your listening skills will really pay off.

News About Elderly Care Ministers lose elderly care votes (BBC News) 17 Mar 2010 at 2:49pm The government is defeated four times in the House of Lords over plans to offer free personal care at home for older people in England. Spending on care for elderly must rise, says study (Gulf Times) 16 Mar 2010 at 2:31pm Spending on care for the elderly must more than double over the next 15 years just to keep the same level of service for a rapidly ageing population, a thinktank said in a report yesterday. Elderly care costs set to double in the next 15 years (The Scotsman) 16 Mar 2010 at 3:20am THE cost of social care for the elderly is set to double in the next 15 years just to maintain current standards, according to a report today by the King's Fund. Cost of elderly care to double ?in 15 years? (Northern Echo) 16 Mar 2010 at 1:39am THE cost of social care for the elderly is to double in the next 15 years to maintain current standards, according to a report published today by the King?s Fund. UK must double spending on elderly care  (Reuters via Yahoo! UK & Ireland News) 15 Mar 2010 at 6:52pm Spending on care for the elderly must more than double over the next 15 years just to keep the same level of service for a rapidly ageing population, a thinktank said in a report on Tuesday. Government defeated on home care plans (Epolitix via Yahoo! UK & Ireland News) 18 Mar 2010 at 4:29am Government plans to provide free care at home to elderly and vulnerable people have suffered a series of defeats in the House of Lords. Lords stymie domestic care bill (Politics.co.uk via Yahoo! UK & Ireland News) 18 Mar 2010 at 3:08am Four government defeats in the Lords last night have handed the government's efforts to expand care for the elderly a serious setback. Brown blow as Lords delay plans for free home care (Yorkshire Post) 18 Mar 2010 at 3:48am PRIME Minister Gordon Brown's flagship plan to provide free home care for vulnerable elderly people has been plunged into chaos after the House of Lords voted to delay the Schwarzenegger administration considering buying $5,000 devices to combat in-... 17 Mar 2010 at 10:50pm The Schwarzenegger administration is considering buying $5,000 high-tech devices to photograph and fingerprint Californians who get subsidized in-home care for the elderly and disabled. Peers kill off 'shabby' home care plans (Independent) 17 Mar 2010 at 5:42pm Gordon Brown's plans to offer free personal care at home to vulnerable elderly people were in ruins last night after the Government crashed to a series of embarrassing defeats in the House of Lords. 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